i like to write. and i like to read. reading helps me get away from what my life is and lets me be someone else. writing helps me get something out through different situations. same feelings sometimes. but it could be a completely different scenario. its hard to explain. singing is kind of the same way.

i don't think either way is really the best. when i do read/write/sing, i get too into it. like i actually start to believe that that is how my life is. and then reality hits and is totally different.

today i woke up mad. idk why. probably some stupid dream or something. my dreams are so random. they're really close to real life. like i'll be at school or the mall or my church or house. nothing crazy or really amazing. i wish i could dream like that. most of the time when i dream i'm at church someone always ends up dying, or trying to kill someone. that can't be too good. i've always wanted find out what my dreams mean. sometimes i'm too scared to really look into though. totally irrational. but true.

so anyway. i woke up. and for some reason the first thing i grab is my ipod so that i can check facebook. i hate how dependent i am on facebook it connect with people. am i really that much of a loser that my social activity only takes place through facebook? well. yeah. and that scares me. my phone has been off for a few days because its broken. and i have barely noticed. the only texts i really get are from steve. and even thats not very many. i used to always be on my phone. i would get calls all the time. there would always be someone to hang out with or something to do. everything was fun. now i'm a loser. when did this happen?

sometimes i just want to go back and change stuff. nothing too significant. just tweaks. who knows what that would do though. i don't want to change anything now. anything significant. dumb butterfly effect. something is severely lacking though. and i can't fill it. i'm going insane.

i think i might become an alcoholic.

stay tuned.

So I Started A BLOG

welcome to the 2000's, right?

uhmmmm...idk i'm 20 years old....and i'm married. living somewhere i never thought i'd be ever (utah). i have 2 australian shepherd's. my husband is in the air force. i work in a tanning salon (not my dream job, but it works) and i'm singing lots, but i can't keep anything for more than 24 hours lol. i'm super picky. and i really wanna run a 10k (with a really good time) by the end of the summer.

thats all i can think of for now. i'm not sure why i'm starting a blog. i'm just lonely i guess. its weird being thousands of miles from home and not knowing really anyone. it especially sucked when jenna died. i really would just loveee if i were incredibly wealthy and could make a trip back at least once a month and fly people out here. lol but thats a hefty wish.

it just drives me crazy how people like audrina patridge and spencer whatever his name is have millions while people who really deserve it struggle more than they deserve to. blechh.

ANYWAYYYY

my work schedule and steve's is really hard. i feel like the only time i see him is when we go to bed. he has to work this weekend. and tonight i work from 5 til close and then tomorrow from 9-4. so basically i live at the salon. this coming tuesday i work fro 10 hours. ridiculous. thats 1/3 of my weekly hours in one day. i can't wait til we get to the point where we have more control over when and where i can work. if i had it my way i'd just sing. buuuttt that wont pay the bills lol

working out has been a joke. i do like nothing....haha. but i'm gonna start doing more again....sometime. maybe if i actually ever gained weight and it stuck, i'd get some motivation. but i kinda have motivation i guess. because i wanna look better. i hate static. i want to be dynamic. who doesn't? how boring would life be if it was all static. maybe thats why i change my hair so much.

i really want an ipad.

steve really wants his best friend to come out to visit.

i really want to visit home this summer.

working out will just have to become a lifestyle before its too late and my metabolism goes wayyy down.

i wanna buy lots of clothes i can't afford.

sorrry its so random. thats just how it is.